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1001 Funny Fantasy Football Team Names

"Gronk" is one of the most versatile syllables for making funny fantasy football team names right now.

"Gronk" is one of the most versatile syllables for making funny fantasy football team names right now.

Funny fantasy football team names are a staple of any season. Every local fantasy league has a couple of humorous or oddball names. Each league has a couple of serious contenders with serious franchise names. Most leagues have a couple of give-ups when it comes to branding.

I’m convinced a bad fantasy football team name is a detriment. If an owner is uninspired in their choice of names, they’re likely to be uninspired in drafting, free agency, and trade talks. If you’re going to do something, then do it well. Some fantasy football owners simply don’t follow that logic and their team struggles because of it. Furthermore, having a roster of badly-named teams can hurt the league’s energy and ambiance, too. Nobody wants to play “The Tigers” and “The Bulldogs”. Certainly, you don’t want to be those teams.

Fantasy football is about fun. It’s about people pretending to be NFL GMs and making individual choices. The team’s brand is a big part of the fun. This list is meant to inspire creativity. When you have a thousand names on a list, not all of them are going to be gems. Most can be used as-is, but some of the later entries are meant to tap the imagination. When your fellow owners see your team name and logo, you want them to (1) chuckle or (2) shake their head and wonder what your team references. Eventually, they’ll have the energy to ask or figure it out themselves, and they’ll like your name.

Funny Fantasy Team Names Based on NFL Players

Remember to find a funny picture to match with the team name. Photos of frustrated athletes on the field or drunken athletes off the field are common in this category. Some fans simply want to pay respect to their franchise, which is okay. I prefer the names that make people laugh.

1. 50 Shades of Gronk
2. Vajayjay Watt
3. Suh Girls, One Cup
4. Gurley Pictures
5. Turn Your Head and Coughlin
6. Roethlisberger With Cheese
7. Chocolate Chip Kelly
8. Don’t Give Me No Flacco
9. An Eye for an Eifert
10. Dez Nuts!
11. The Kuechley Monster
12. Romophobic
13. Honky Tonk BadonkaGronk
14. Brady Gaga
15. Live with Michael and Chip Kelly
16. Phallus Cowboys
17. Not My Forte
18. Ten Inch Ditka
19. Yippee Kiyay, Justin Tucker
20. Demaryius Targaryen
21. Rage Against the Vereen
22. Discount Belichick
23. Hail Mariotta
24. Watt The F!ck
25. Don Juan Demarco Murray
26. Vontaze Burfiction
27. Zach N’ertz
28. Inglorious Staffords
29. Grand Moff Tarkenton
30. Amari Pooper
31. Mike Vick In a Box
32. Whacko Flacco
33. Romosexual Dezbians
34. Le’Veon My Wayward Son
35. Ladies & Edelman
36. Backfields and McCoys
37. May The Forsett Be With You
38. Geno Smith’s Jaw
39. The Walking Dez
40. Carlos Hyde Park
41. I Love Lacy
42. Your Team Suggs
43. Odell Beckham Sr.
44. You Down With ODB (Yeah, You Know Me)
45. A Boy Named Suh
46. Here’s Mud in Your Eifert
47. Welker, Texas Ranger
48. The Boldin The Beautiful
49. RGIII in 3D
50. The Big Gronkowski
51. Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe
52. Forgetting Brandon Marshall
53. Makin’ It Wayne
54. Wham, Bam, Michael Sam
55. Bozo the Clowney
56. Favre Dollar Footlong
57. Nobody Puts Brady in a Corner
58. Smoking a Blount
59. A Bridgewater Over Troubled Bridgewaters
60. Cam I Am, Green Eggs and Ham
61. Cruz Is Calling
62. Deflatriots
63. Dez Dispenser
64. Golden Tate Bridge
65. Johnny Backup
66. Johnny Cleveland
67. Johnny Rehab
68. Manning of Steel
69. Luck Dynasty
70. My Fair Brady
71. Pete Carroll’s Gum
72. Tannesaurus Rex
73. Sparkling Witten
74. Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles
75. Jay Cutlery
76. RGIII-P.O.
77. The White Welkers
78. Revis and Butthead
79. Gronk If You’re Horny
80. Abdullah in the Sun
81. The Curious Case of Kelvin Benjamin
82. Sam Acho (Bless You)
83. Demarco Polo
84. Joey Bosa Nova
85. My Favorite Marshawn
86. Calvin and Lobs
87. Cameron Arthritis-Payne
88. New Orleans Darkwa
89. Ebony & Chris Ivory
90. Chronciles of Theo Riddick
91. Jared Abracadabera
92. Cotchery Old Man
93. Pass the Funchess
94. Staying at T.Y. Hilton
95. Sing Me a Nick Toon
96. Baron Von Miller
97. The Maurkice d’Pouncey
98. The Neverending Torrey
99. The World According to Goff
100. Tunsilectomy
101. Myles Jacked Up
102. Eli Apple of My Eye
103. Mingo the Merciless
104. Apple of My Eifert
105. Paxton Lynch Syndrome
106. When In Romo…
107. Luck Be a Brady Tonight
108. Saved by Le’Veon Bell
109. Cool Brees
110. I’m Getting a Sankey Feeling

Fantasy Football Names Based on NFL Teams

NFL players are the funnest figures to mock. That being said, teams, their GMs, and their owners sometimes open themselves to ridicule with their own bad behavior. In the case of NFL franchises, the mere fact they exist make them ridiculous in rival fans’ eyes. Besides, it’s fun to mock your rivals, so inventive ways to mock the Dallas Cowboys and New England Patriots always exist. I’m not saying the options below are the best, but they’re a start to get you in the right mood.

111. Raider Nation
112. Love Ya Blue
113. Saint Happenin’
114. Buffalo Bills Cody
115. Panther Piss
116. Cowboys & Indians
117. Patriot Games
118. New York Football Giants
119. Washington Pigskins
120. The Iggles
121. Steeler Nation
122. Paul Brown’s Curse
123. Seattle Seahags
124. San Francisco 69ers
125. Vontaze Burfict’s Brain
126. Built Ram Tough
127. Viking Raid
128. Lions & Tigers & Bears, Oh My!
129. Jagoffs
130. Dallas Cowgirls
131. Jerry World
132. Purple People Eaters
133. The Tuck Rule
134. The Hawgs
135. Hail to the Redskins
136. The Doomsday Defense
137. The Terrible Towels
138. Emperor Goodell
139. The Black Hole
140. The 12th Man
141. Helmet-to-Helmet
142. Gronk
143. Andy Reid’s Stopwatch
144. The Red Zone
145. The Waiver Wire
146. Release the Kraken!
147. Revis Island
148. Romo’s Clavicle
149. Where’s Breshad Perriman?
150. Mel Kiper’s Draft List
151. Lambeau Leapers
152. Belichick’s Hoodie
153. Run Marshawn Lynch
154. Roger Goodell’s Appeals Process
155. Straight Cash, Homey!
156. Smokin’ Jay Cutler
157. The Pouncey Twins
158. Deflated Balls
159. 15-Yard Penalties
160. The Place Kickers
161. The Wunderlich Tests
162. High Ankle Sprains

Names Based on Fantasy Football Terms

The following grouping of terms come from a standard fantasy football glossary. These is self-referential terminology which most owners should get, since we are playing in this setting.

I raided most of the usable terms from the traditional fantasy sports and the daily fantasy sports industry. Other lists exist, so someone researching these options are likely to find a few more industry references.

163. Waiver Wire Fodder
164. The Cheat Sheets
165. Bye Week Fillers
166. Has Anyone Taken Lacy Yet?
167. Bench Players
168. Ghostship
169. The Mock Draft Team
170. QBBC
171. RBBC
172. Breakout Players
173. Draft Dashers
174. Fire Sale
175. So When Does the Draft Start?
176. Projected Starters
177. Waiver Hawks
178. Third-Year Wide Receivers
179. Autopicks
180. Flex Players
181. The Deep Sleepers
182. Serpentine Draft
183. Regression to the Mean
184. The Donks
185. The Football Widows
186. Touchdown Only
187. Undroppable Players
188. Zero Strategy
189. Narrative Stream
190. Touchdown Vultures

Funny Team Names Based on Movie Quotes

Pop culture references are a great source for fantasy franchise names. Movies are the top end of the American pop culture, so I thought I would raid the film industry for a few team name ideas.

To make these fit into a league site’s team name software, I’ve cut the quotes into more bit-sized references. Most of the quotes should be obvious, but for those which aren’t, a bit of Google research should give you an idea of the scene being references. Or else you can pick your own favorite movie and the best quote from that source and use it as your own.

191. Bond James Bond
192. Seize the Day, Boys
193. What a Eugoogly Is
194. ET Phone Home
195. This Is The War Room
196. Not The Messiah
197. I Am Spartacus
198. I Am Groot
199. I Drink Your Milkshakes
200. Coulda Been a Contender
201. I Love Lamp
202. I See Dead People
203. I Wish I Knew How To Quit You
204. A Very Particular Set of Skills
205. Mad As Hell
206. Man Who Catch Fly With Chopstick
207. Rosebud
208. Why So Serious?
209. You Talkin’ To Me?
210. Dirk Diggler
211. Mister Tibbs
212. Show Me The Money!
213. You Can’t Handle the Truth!
214. The Usual Suspects
215. Stinking Badges
216. Houston, We Have a Problem
217. Hasta La Vista, Baby
218. Toga! Toga!
219. My Precious
220. Napalm in the Morning
221. We Rob Banks
222. Nobody F!cks With the Jesus
223. Call Me Snake
224. It’s Showtime
225. I Am Ironman
226. Here’s Johnny
227. 1.21 Gigawatts
228. It’s Alive! It’s Alive!
229. Wax On Wax Off
230. The Need for Speed

Names Based on Key & Peele’s East/West College Bowl

Key & Peale have had a series of skits based on funny college and NFL football player names. The list below are the names from the original East/West College Bowl skit. It’s classic stuff for any NFL fan. Below the list, I’ve embedded the video from the show. In a later skit, Dan Smith shows us his rapping skills.

231. Hingle McCringleberry
232. T.J. Juckson
233. T’Variusness King
234. Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace
235. D’Squarius Green, Jr.
236. Jackmerius Tacktheritrax
237. D’Isiah T. Billings-Clyde
238. D’Jathper Probincrux the Third
239. Leoz Maxwell Jilliumz
240. Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar
241. Davoin Shower-Handel
242. L’Carpetron Dookmarriot
243. J’Dinkalage Morgoone
244. Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon
245. Saggitariutt Jefferspin
250. D’Glester Hardunkichud
251. Swirvithan L’Goodling-Splat
252. Quatro Quatro
253. Ozamataz Buckshank
254. Beezer Twelve Washingbeard
255. Shakiraquan T.G.I.F. Carter
256. X-Wing @ Aliciousness
257. Sequester Grundelplith, M.D.
258. Scoish Velociraptor Maloish
259. T.J. A.J. R.J. Backslashinfourth the Fifth
260. Donkey Teeth
261. The Player Formerly Known as Mousecop

Funny Names from Sports

If you think Key & Peale are being a bit silly, take a look at the types of names which inspired that skit. They aren’t that different, really. The show had a follow-up skit based on the same premise, but several NFL players appeared in it. Sure enough, there was D’Brickashaw Ferguson there amongst the players announcing themselves.

It might strike some as nonsensical to name their team after a player, straight and simple. If a simple name isn’t enough, then play around with the names below to come up with your own invention. For instance, put one of the names below with words like “Quartet”, “Syndrome”, or “Hat Factory” and come up with a more unique team name. You’ve got to be creative.

262. Fennis Dembo
263. Jim Bob Cooter
264. Fair Hooker
265. Trung Candidate
266. D’Brickashaw Ferguson
277. Yourhighness Morgan
278. God Shammgod
279. Metta World Peace
280. Chad Ochocinco
281. Bucko Kilroy
281. Harold Carmichael
282. Sonny Sixkiller
283. Richie Incognito
284. Mosi Tatupu
285. Hacksaw Reynolds
286. Garo Yepremian
287. BenJarvus Green-Ellis
288. Button Gwinnett
289. Willie Roaf
290. Y.A. Tittle
291. Carlester Crumpler
291. Bronko Nagurski
292. Uranius Johnson
293. Chubb Small
294. Yoshie Takeshita
295. Kyle Sackrider
296. Jack Glasscock
297. Kokain Mothershead
298. Craphonso Thorp
299. Ron Tugnutt
300. Guy Whimper

Team Names Based on Horse Racing

Everyone knows the names in horse racing are bizarre. I’m convinced racing stables just want to make it as hard on the booth broadcaster as possible, throwing out all those improbable names in a rapid succession as the horses come down the backstretch. Some of the names sound like they were chosen by mental patients, instead of high-tone, million-dollar racehorse investors. Something about that idea makes me laugh. The powers-that-be get prison inmates to make license plates, but they have psychiatric patients brainstorm names for thoroughbreds. It might be good therapy.

301. Native Dancer
302. Seattle Slew
303. Whirlaway
304. Rachel Alexandra
305. Genuine Risk
306. Beau Purple
307. Palace Malic
308. Will Take Charge
309. Henry of Navarre
310. Hoist The Flag
311. Dame Dorothy
312. Mr. Prospector
313. Damascus
314. Game On Dude
315. The Big Beast
316. Gallant Fox
317. Smarty Jones
318. Groupie Doll
319. Orientate
320. Mucha Macho Man
321. Twenty Grand
322. Point Given
323. Bowl of Flowers
324. Ouija Board
325. Bold N Determined
326. Who Is Lady
327. Thatsthewayweroll
328. Skip Away
329. Winning Colors
330. Victory Gallop
331. Mineshaft
332. Hail to Reason
333. Devil Diver
334. Graydar
335. Goldencents
336. Elocutionist
337. Ancient Title
338. Spend a Buck

Team Names Based on Jazz Tunes

I’ve always felt like the title of jazz songs are a bit like the thoroughbred names, so naturally the last mini-list reminded me to include jazz references in this list. In fact, after having looked at the two lists side-by-side, I think jazz musicians might be better at naming fantasy football teams than owners of race horses. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think a football team named “I Loves You Porgy” is more striking than a team named “Groupie Doll”. It’s a close contest, I suppose.

339. Autumn Leaves
340. Girl From Ipanemea
341. Strange Fruit
342. Autumn in New York
343. Feelin’ Good
344. Satin Doll
345. Star Dust
346. Blue Monk
347. Salt Peanuts
348. Fly Me to The Moon
349. Sing Sing Sing
350. A Night in Tunisia
351. I Loves You Porgy
352. Good Morning Heartache
353. Lush Life
354. Compared To What
355. A-Tisket, A-Tasket
356. In a Sentimental Mood
357. Freddie Freeloader
358. Mood Indigo
359. Blues for Alice
360. West End Blues
361. Round Midnight
362. My Funny Valentine
363. Straight, No Chaser
364. Cast Your Fate to the Wind
365. Red Clay
366. Sidewinder
367. Bitches Brew
368. It Don’t Mean a Thing
369. Misterioso
370. Bye Bye Blackbird
371. Potato Head Blues

Football Team Names Based on Paintings

If you really want to get a reaction, make a reference to a world famous painting in your team name. Nothing is more pretentious than naming a team after artwork. If done right, you’ll not only seem smart, but you’ll get a laugh. The other owners will see you named your team something like “Soft Construction with Boiled Beans” and wonder what the hell is going through your mind.

To complete this name change, find a good example of the actual painting itself and make that your team logo. Most league management sites allow owners to upload a pic to serve as their online gravatar or logo. Nothing completes the impression like seeing weird art. There are a million potential naming ideas that stem from this option, but the list below includes some of the most prominent options.

372. The Scream
373. Nude Descending a Staircase
374. The Birth of Venus
375. Portrait of Adele
376. Massacre of the Innocents
377. The Creation of Adam
378. American Gothic
379. Nude, Green Leaves and Bust
380. Whistler’s Mother
381. Portrait of Ginevra Benci
382. The Gross Clinic
383. The Tower of Babel
384. The Garden of Earthly Delights
385. The Last Judgment
386. Woman III
387. Three Studies of Lucian Freud
388. Lady with an Ermine
389. The Sleeping Gypsy
390. Salvator Mundi
391. Peasant Woman Against a Background
392. The Garden of Delights
393. Europe After the Rain II
394. Persistance of Memory
395. Allegoria della Primavera
396. Fall of the Damned
397. Sposalizio della Vergine
398. Soft Construction with Boiled Beans
399. Triumph of Death
400. The Adoration of the Magi
401. Militia Company
402. The Battle Between Carnival and Lent
403. Potato Eaters
404. La Crucifixion
405. Ad Marginen
406. Belshazzar’s Feast
407. I and the Village
408. Anatomy Lesson of Dr Nicolaes Tulp
409. The Umbrellas
410. The Virgin of Ivers
411. Asmodeo
412. Triumph Over Mastery
413. Forward Retreat
414. Death and the Maiden

Random Funny Team Names

If you want something off-the-wall and random, this list is for you. Most fantasy football teams fall into this category: just a massive hodge-podge of random references and non-sequiters. Pick off this list from some of the best team names in the history of fantasy sports. Most should give your fellow owners a chuckle, or simply make them say, “Huh?”

415. Death & Taxes
416. The Walkie Talkies
417. Holy Gawkamole
418. French Toast
419. Bacon Mug
420. Yersinia Pestis
421. Bloodbath
422. Big Test Icicles
423. The Abusement Park
424. Skirt Chasers
425. B.Y.O.B.
426. Bowling for Dollars
427. The Gong Show
428. Scared Hitless
429. Life After Football
430. Legends of Tomorrow
431. Rubber Duckies
432. Cunning Stunts
433. The Muffin Tops
434. Cowtipping Aholes
435. The Cereal Killers
436. Cushion for the Pushin’
437. Google Searches
438. To Know Him Is To Love Him
439. Bad Intentions
440. 99 Problems
441. Kung Fu Fighting
442. Master Minds
443. Heroes and Zeroes
444. Chunky Chicken
445. Insert Name Here
446. Brew Crew
447. Big Southern Dummies
448. Meth Lab Fire
449. The Flaming Marshmallows
450. Jalapeno Sliders
451. Axis of Evil
452. Monkey Spankers
453. When Pigs Fly
454. Intoxicated
455. Tenacious D
456. Statutory Ape
457. Pimp My Ride
458. Hula Hoops
459. Wrecking Crew
460. 13th Man
461. Hoverboard Accident
462. Bone Crushers
463. Donald Trump’s Wall
464. The Team Name
465. Eat More Chicken
466. The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyers
467. The Brain Trust
468. The Pop Tarts
469. Hate
470. Blitzkrieg
471. Federal Cases
472. Funky Monkeys
473. Zulu Warriors
474. Ladies Night
475. It’s Fun to Stay at the Y.M.C.A.
476. Nuts & Bolts
477. Army of Darkness
478. Kung Pao Chicken
479. Me Speak, You Speak
480. Schoolyard Bullies
481. H.R. Humpinstuff
482. Screw Balls
483. Nickelback Sucks
484. Sandbox Warriors
485. The Dream Destroyers
486. Double Kamikaze
487. El Lobo Solo
488. Chinese Water Torture
489. The Hot Toddies
490. Explicit Language
491. The Flying Dutchmen
491. Crystalnacht
492. Saki and Sushimi
493. Jalapeno Peppers
494. The Penalty Box
495. Can Only Hope to Contain Them
496. Legion of Shrooms
497. Raging Bullshit
498. The Wermacht
499. The Headless Horsemen
500. Infectious Laughter
501. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
502. Spiked Drinks
503. Team Extreme
504. Surgeon General’s Warning
505. Amazonian Warriors
506. Overpaid Athletes
507. Southern Man
508. Wrong Way Wang
509. The Big Bad Wolves
510. Kublai Kahn
511. Deadly Intentions
512. Blame the Commissioner
513. Wet T-Shirt Contest
514. Forged Documents
515. Eye Candy
516. Chatanooga Choo-Choos
517. The Jock Straps
518. Death by a Thousand Cuts
519. Tree Frogs
520. Funny Teenaged Sidekick
521. Gingerbread Men
522. Zeta Reticuli
535. The Party Crashers
536. Jabba the Hutt
537. Boats and Ho’s
538. The Powder Puffs
539. O-and-13
540. Can’t Handle Our Skills
541. Bad Muthas
542. The Longshoremen
543. Threading the Needle
544. Thank You, Sir, I’ll Have Another
545. Bloody Good
546. Ruptured Disco
547. No Pain No Gain
548. Victorious Secret
549. Evil Empire
550. The Trumpkins

Team Names Based on Hip Hop Songs

Song titles are perfect for naming teams. Certain genres of music are better than others: hip hop, heavy metal, and other over-the-top styles of pop music. Rappers can turn a phrase, offering up something unique, yet familiar sounding. The song titles on the following list are among some of the most popular of the past decade or two, with a certain emphasis on today’s hits. Unless your league members happen to be hip-hop aficionados, most aren’t going to be immediately recognizable. I tried to avoid the obvious crossover hits. You want fellow owners to eventually ask what the heck your song title references. Then you can amaze and inform with your (possibly fake) knowledge of hip hop.

551. Dear Mama
552. In Da Club
553. Started from the Bottom
554. Ruff Ryder’s Anthem
555. Empire State of Mind
556. Hate It or Love It
557. Bugatti
558. Mind Playing Tricks on Me
559. Hot Boy
560. Me Myself and I
561. N.Y. State of Mind
562. Shook Ones, Part II
563. Thrift Shop
564. Paid in Full
565. Can’t Be Friends
566. Rap God
567. Swimming Pools (Drank)
568. All Gold Everything
569. Juicy
570. Jesus Walks
571. Trap Queen
572. Suit & Tea
573. Girl On Fire
574. Poetic Justice
575. Wicked Games
576. Neva End
577. Who Booty
578. Battle Scars
579. Power Trip
580. Throw Sum Mo
581. Widdle
582. My Hitta
583. Pound Cake
584. Tuscan Leather
585. Furthest Thing
586. White Walls
587. Berserk
588. Helluva Night
589. Gas Pedal
590. Red Nose
591. Don’t Drop That Thun Thun
592. Picasso Baby
593. f*ckwithmeyouknowigotit
594. Feds Watching
595. LoveHate Thing
596. Crooked Smile
597. Black Skinhead
598. Ain’t Worried About Nothin’
599. Blood On the Leaves
600. Bubble Butt
601. Headband
602. m.A.A.d. City
603. No More Parties in L.A.
604. Yamborghini High
605. I’m Da Plug Freestyle
606. Do It To It
607. Bake Sale (Snippet)
608. Pray For Em
609. Inside The Mattress
610. Low Life
611. Glorious Thugs
612. Commando
613. Codeine
614. I Ain’t Even Done
615. Wit Me
616. No New Friends
617. Tapout
618. How Many Drinks?
619. Rich as F**K
618. Don’t Kill My Vibe
619. We Still in This B****
620. LA Traffic
621. Learn From Each Other
622. Can’t Trust a Soul
623. Old Man Wildin’
624. N My Life Tyme
625. Pass Dat
626. Dead Presidents
627. AKA
628. Jimmy Choo
629. Ex Games
630. Untruthworthy
631. Nyctophilia
632. Divine Guidance
633. One Eyed Shooters
634. Light Through The Cracks
635. Make ‘Em So Proud
636. King Tut
637. I’m Grinding
638. I’m in Control
639. Wishlist
640. Too List
641. Trill Friends
642. Crime Stoppers

Team Names Based on Heavy Metal Songs

Nothing is as melodramatic as heavy metal. These guys want to shock the sensibilities of Establishment culture. Some are literary, while others are just plain gory. I’ll let Tipper Gore and your grandmother debate whether any of them actively encourage worshiping the dark powers. Mostly, heavy metal is about aggression, driving rhythms, and cool morbid stuff. Such themes dovetail quite nicely with fantasy football, because people need tough sound or weird sounding franchise names. Entries from the following list should suffice.

643. Ace of Spades
644. Holy Wars…The Punishment Due
645. Cowboys From Hell
646. Peace Sells
647. Raining Blood
648. Rime of the Ancient Mariner
649. Creeping Death
650. Cemetary Gates
651. Children of the Grave
652. Beyond the Realms of Death
653. Victim of Changes
654. Symptom of the Universe
655. Under the Blade
656. The Hellion / Electric Eye
657. Hell Bent for Leather
658. Caught in a Mosh
659. Queen of the Reich
660. The Last in Line
661. Balls to the Wall
662. Living After Midnight
663. 2 Minutes to Midnight
664. Seasons in the Abyss
665. Chop Suey
666. At War With the Devil
667. The Divine Wings of Tragedy
668. Five Minutes Alone
669. Ivory Gates of Dreams
670. Keeper of the Seven Keys
671. Electric Funderal
672. Dante’s Inferno
673. Witching Hour
674. Wicked World
675. Jesus Christ Pose
676. Wasted Years
677. Fast as a Shark
678. I Am a Viking
679. Blood of My Enemy
680. Warriors of the World United
681. A Touch of Evil
682. The Threat Is Real
683. Fatal Illusion
684. Freak On a Leash
685. Until the World Goes Cold
686. Psychosocial
687. Duality
688. Breathing Lightning
689. Wait and Bleed
690. Strength of the Mind
691. Snuff
692. Lola Montez
693. Killpop
694. Heaven Nor Hell
695. Lost in the Static
696. What If I Was Nothing
697. Dirty Diana
698. Reincarnate
699. Evil Twin
700. I Am America
701. Dead But Rising
702. Jack the Stripper / Fairies Wear Boots
703. Hand of Doom
704. Sweet Leaf
705. Dead Memories
706. Spit It Out
707. Into the Void
708. You Only Live Once
709. Beaten in Lips
710. Silence In the Snow
711. This Probably Won’t End Well

Fantasy Football Names Based on Emo Songs

Alright, we might be pushing things here, but I wanted to underscore a point. Nothing seems wimpier to me than emo music. Certainly, few things seem to be a worse fit for an NFL-based team name as weepy music from kids who need to take their medicine. (Maybe show tunes would be worse.) Yet, if you look at some of the song titles below, emo hits make pretty good team names. Teams named “Until The Day I Die” pretty much sums up the diehard nature of many FF owners, while “All Hail the Heartbreaker” channels the arrogance and confidence of the defending league champ. One of these songs even seems to be about Walter Payton (“Sweetness”). I should note that I Googled these titles; before I did, I couldn’t have told you an emo song title if you’d put a gun to my head. Despite that fact, emo translates to NFL football pretty danged well.

712. Until The Day I Die
713. All Hail the Heartbreaker
714. Ohio Is for Lovers
715. Make Damn Sure
716. Sugar, We’re Going Down
717. You’re So Last Summer
718. Cut Without the ‘E’
719. Miserable at Best
720. Screaming Infidelities
721. Misery Business
722. I’m Not Okay
723. The Quiet Things That No One Ever knows
724. Miss Murder
725. Sweetness
726. Reinventing Your Exit
727. Seventy Time 7
728. Everywhere in Denver
729. Snowbirds and Townies
730. Girl’s Not Grey
731. Soco Amaretto Lime
732. At Your Funeral
733. One Armed Scissor
734. Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have (Without Taking Her Clothes Off)
735. Sea Anemone
736. Demolition Lovers
737. Photobooth
738. A Jack With One Eye
739. Buried Myself Alive
740. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

Fantasy Football Team Names from Country Songs

I’ve long said that the mainstream country music and hip-hop genres have a lot in common. Both have a specific musical formula its producers and artists exploit repetitively and rushlessly. Both project a certain attitude which is important to its fans’ worldview.

Each genre is mocked by their critics, because of their attitude and their repetitiveness. People in each genre could care less about outside opinions, and might even take pride and identity from their critics. Hip-hop and country fans view themselves as embattled minorities who maintain their identity, despite the basic hostility of the world around them. Even those who don’t come from the ethnicity from which the genre derived like to soak up that attitude — and find it refreshing.

Country music and hip-hop are mirror reflections of one another. I almost forgot — they share one other trait. Rap songs and Nashville songs make funny fantasy football team names. For all the reasons above, they’re kind of silly.

Besides, some of these ideas are gold. Having a fantasy football team name named “Drinkin’ Town with a Football Problem” or “Redneck Crazy” might explain consistently bad drafting skills.  “Smalltown Throwdown” is perfect for a team from Rural American. And a franchise named  “Nashville Rash” or “Drunk Americans” is suitably bizarre, while remaining pithy.

And some of these names would be headscratchers. Imagine the reaction of your opponents the first time they face a team named “John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16” or “Better Off in a Pine Box”. Or imagine the team logos these names would inspire. This is some premium stuff.

741. Wasting All These Tears
742. Redneck Crazy
743. Better Than I Used to Be
744. Drunk Last Night
745. Crash My Party
746. Runnin’ Outta Moonlight
747. Chillin’ It
748. Pirate Flag
749. Cold Beer with Your Name On It
750. Days of Gold
751. Pirate Flag
752. Blowin’ Smoke
753. Tie It Up
754. It Ain’t The Whiskey
755. Ready Set Roll
756. Bourbon in Kentucky
757. Bottoms Up
758. Just Gettin’ Started
759. Wanted Me Gone
760. Rewind
761. Helluva Life
762. Wagon Wheel
763. Sunny and 75
764. Aw Naw
765. Don’t Ya
766. Highway Don’t Care
767. Take The Keys
768. The Outsiders
769. Pontoon
770. Truck Yeah
771. Blown Away
772. Banjo
773. That’s Why I Pray
774. Crying On a Suitcase
775. Did It For the Girl
776. Tip It On Back
777. Let There Be Cowgirls
778. El Cerrito Place
779. Ex-Old Man
780. Something to Do With My Hands
781. Feel Like a Rock Star
782. Cowboys and Angels
783. Beer With Jesus
784. The Only Way I KNow
785. Better Dig Two
786. Southern Comfort Zone
787. Beer Money
788. Two Black Cadillacs
789. Hope On the Rocks
790. I Drive Your Truck
791. More Trucks Than Cars
792. She Cranks My Tractor
793. Too Good To Be True
794. Just Fishin’
795. Am I the Only One
796. Made in America
797. Cost of Livin’
798. We Owned the Night
799. Barefoot Blue Jean Night
800. Baggage Claim
801. Drink In My Hand
802. Bleed Red
803. Bait a Hook
804. Storm Warning
805. Long Way to Go
806. Let It Rain
807. Like My Mother Does
808. Got My Country On
809. Old Alabama
810. Where I Come From
811. Red Solo Cup
812. This Ole Boy
813. Homeboy
814. Somethin’ ‘Bout a Truck
815. Wildflower
816. Double-Wide Dream
817. Sleep With One Eye Open
818. Take The High Road
819. Pardon Me, I’ve Been Pardoned
820. Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
821. Skillet Full of Cricso
822. Slap ‘Er Down Again, Paw
823. Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
824. Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
825. Warm Beer and Cold Kisses
826. 800 Pound Jesus
827. Refried Dreams
828. High Cost of Low Living
829. Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life)
830. Feelin’ Single and Seein’ Double
831. Cow Cow Strut
832. Cow Cow Blues
833. I’d Be Better Off in a Pine Box
834. I Wanna Whip Your Cow
835. Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill
836. Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
837. The Pint of No Return
838. What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
839. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
840. Bubba Shot the Jukebox
841. Don’t Squeeze My Sharmon
842. Poultry Promenade
843. Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
844. Tight Fittin’ Jeans
845. Yard Sale
846. A Thousand Horses
847. Dime Store Cowgirl
848. Smoke Break
849. Jim and Jack and Hank
850. Crash and Burn
851. Strip It Down
852. White Lightning
853. John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16
854. Buy Me a Boat
855. 24 Frames
856. Mr. Misunderstood
857. Burning House
858. I’m To Blame
859. Lose My Mind
860. Homegrown
861. Southern Style
862. Drinkin’ Town With a Football Problem
863. Backroad Song
864. Beautiful Drug
865. Tennessee Whiskey
866. Better In Boots
867. Heavy Is the Head
868. Snapback
869. Real Men Love Jesus
870. Downside of Growing Up
871. Late to the Party
872. Bittersweet
873. Just Like Them Horses
874. Pageant Material
875. Cold Beer Conversation
876. My Mistake
877. Somethin’ Bad
878. Drunk on a Plane
879. American Kids
880. Small Town Throwdown
881. Girl in a Country Song
882. Meanwhile Back At Mama’s
883. Sunshine & Whiskey
884. Day Drinking
885. Who’s Your Daddy
886. Payback
887. Bartender
888. Cold One
889. A Guy Walks Into a Bar
890. Burnin’ It Down
891. Neon Light
892. Trailer Hitch
893. Dark Side
894. Drunk Americans
895. Drinking Class
896. River Bank
897. Ain’t Worth the Whiskey
898. Turtles All the Way Down
899. One Hell of an Amen
900. Phantom of the Opry
901. Occasional Wife
902. Nashville Rash

Alright, we’re more than 90% of the way to 1,001 potential fantasy football names. If you go down this humongous list and can’t find a team name, you should be kicked out of your local league.

Some of these song titles could be the inspiration for a franchise name. For instance, if you don’t think “Payback” or “Rewind” are worthy of a team name, use it as the basis for a name. “Payback Incorporated” or “Rewind [Year]” work. For instance, if you lose every year, then “Rewind 2015”, “Rewind 2016”, and “Rewind 2017” becomes an in-joke, and makes a lot of sense as a brand name.

While the NFL season is winding down, it is never too early to start thinking about next year. If your team sucked in 2015, the quickest way to effect a turnaround is to change your team name for 2016. You’ll find it changes the energy of your team. It’s like an NFL team changing its uniforms. Once you breathe new life into the team, you’ll feel better moving forward. You’ll draft better and have more energy when researching free agents, so getting a new brand is essential. This list will grow in the next few months to a full 1,001 name ideas, unlocking years of naming potential.

1 Comment

  1. Tungsten_Power

    I like “Saved by Le’Veon Bell.” It sounds like a reality series where the Steelers runner intervenes in the lives of at-risk teenagers.

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